The Struggle is Guaranteed, Success is Not

If you've already failed in a big way in life and learned to see it as a positive event, does it make you immune to fear of future failure?⁣⠀

Sadly, no, not for me. I fully admit that the idea of failure still terrifies me, sometimes keeps me awake at night.⁣⠀

But then I remember the truth.⁣⠀

In my mid 20s, a few years after graduating from university and holding down my first real job, I found myself living a double life as a heroin addict working at a financial institution. Can you imagine? Not good.⁣⠀

Over the course of 4 years, I went from someone who was honest, responsible, and hardworking to someone who was - well..., not. I lied, cheated, and stole and did many things I truly never thought I was capable of. (Interesting how that can go both ways.)⁣⠀

I wanted to get clean from about 3 months into my addiction, but I had many conditions around it. I had to get clean without anyone (especially my parents) ever finding out about my problem. I could not miss work. It couldn't cost any money. It had to be my way or the highway.⁣⠀

It was only when I was ready to fully surrender to the notion that I would do whatever it took to get clean - if the whole world knew about it - fine. If I had to leave behind my entire world and move away - so be it. If I had no credit for the next 5 years - you get the picture.⁣⠀

From where I sit now, looking back at myself 21 years ago, I want to say to that self - "You see? It all worked out fine - better than fine, actually. So don't be scared."⁣⠀

So, back to my present self and current fear of failure - I wonder what I'll be saying to this self 20 years from now? ⁣⠀

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