About every month or so, I get the same text from a mom friend at the end of the school day asking whether anyone’s coming to pick up my daughter. And then there’s a mad dash to make sure the situation is addressed. (To be fair – I do have arrangements made, but breakdowns happen).⠀ ⠀
I never thought I would be this mom. When I started this business I had visions of having this flexible schedule that revolved around my kids school outings, walking leisurely to and from school while talking about our day and having them and their friends come home for lunch. I’ve certainly done all of these things, but with the glaring absence of the word "leisurely". Having a business has necessitated intention in all areas of my life.⠀
On a fairly regular basis, especially when I’m exhausted and overwhelmed, I test myself with a thought: “Maybe I should just quit.” And I play it all the way through like – ok so once I wound down the business and everything else associated with that – what would my day look like? Would I sleep in? Probably not. Although I might go back to bed after the kids were off for the day. That might be ok for the first couple of days – but after that? ⠀
Maybe I’d spend all my time doing the things I already do but with less pressure – like meditate, run, do yoga, grocery shop, see my friends more often (who are actually all as busy as I am), try those amazing plant based recipes that I see all the time on Instagram that make me wonder if I can go vegan and be happy. Go on a vacation without thinking about work. And this would be my life. And there would be enough time.⠀
But no. As much as I feel most of the time like I’m running a perpetual marathon – there’s a driving force behind why I choose everyday to keep going with my business – and it’s about a dream. The dream is about human potential – and using the business as a vehicle to see what’s possible when I constantly push past my fears and doubts. I’ve come to see everything about my life as an experiment of learning and growing and tapping into the strength inside of me.⠀
Maybe one day I’ll decide that this part of the lesson is over and move on to something else. But for now, onwards.